dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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