you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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