dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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