it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize