Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
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He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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