I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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