Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize