Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize