yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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