I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize