Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize