I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bring me that man meat
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize