ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Panties = found
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