This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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