take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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