Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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