I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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