Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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