I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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