ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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