I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize