Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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