Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize