There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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