he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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