All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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