I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
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Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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