fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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