Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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