i already hear my dad disowning me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize