not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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