If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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