He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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