I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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