Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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