unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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