i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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