One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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