All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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