Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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