You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she told me i tasted like america
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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