She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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