Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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