y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize