Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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