She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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