i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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