Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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