Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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