Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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