listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize