omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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