it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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